Academic Pressure: How to Foster Positive Mental Health for Kids Amid School Stress

The back-to-school season can be a stress-provoking time for kids and parents. 

Late summer often brings a whole new set of expectations, changes in routine, and questions about balancing work, life, extracurriculars, and emotions. With ever-increasing academic pressure, children and family members may find burnout sets in rapidly and can take a toll on confidence and resilience. 

When grades and school performance —or success in any one area — are top of mind, authentic family connections may seem far out of reach. If you find your family falling into the familiar cycle of stress for success, you may find your footing in one of these helpful refresh tools.

1.Low-pressure interaction

When stress in the household reaches an uncomfortable level, offer yourself and your family a breather. Reconnecting over shared hobbies or interests can act as a “reset” button — so long as academic or stressful conversations are left at the door. Promise a family night without conversation around the trigger points. If this isn’t comfortable, you can offer a compromise that allows the topic to arise without offering non-consented feedback or advice. 

2. 90/10 Rule

This viral parenting rule specifies that 90 percent of interactions between parent and child should be “positive” — that means without argument or discipline. Realistically, many households fall into a different percentage. In times of increased stress, remembering the 90/10 rule can encourage more heartfelt interaction. The remaining 10 percent is designed to allow thoughtful and intentional discipline — something children are more likely to respect if the majority of parent/child interactions are positive. 

3. Setting achievable goals

Heightened stress often comes from a “should” or “have to.” If you or your children feel that a far-away goal is non-negotiable, the goal is likely to provoke anxiety and a list of heavy emotions that may follow. Though some large goals are unavoidable (and can be good to inspire hard work), setting easy goals and fun can renew energy.

Parents can offer their children the choice to set their own goals. Creativity and autonomy can be inspired by bolstering the child’s ideas, no matter how insignificant or unrelated a goal may seem to other family members. Showing support for the child’s goals, and helping them achieve them, sets a tone of confidence that can carry into other areas of life — even when stress feels all-encompassing. 

Take the support a step further and try to remove “shoulds” from the family vocabulary when possible. This teaches children that outcomes may vary, and there is no one thing they “should” do — but many paths can result in success.

4. Remembering autonomy for teens

As parents of teenagers, a battle for control may feel like a necessary evil. Help children regain confidence by allowing a comfortable level of independence. This aids teens in solidifying their identity, passions, and goals. Though some personal decisions may seem distracting, the evaluations of right and wrong, or like and dislike, may lead to important discoveries that set the tone for success later in life. 

Some parts of rebellion are non-negotiable, like anything that threatens the safety of your teen. Instead of approaching conversations with discipline, invoke the 90/10 rule to have conversations about why you want your child to remain mindful of their environment from a place of love and mutual respect. 

5. Realistic expectations

While it’s great to see your child returning home with straight As, try to remember that childhood academics don’t set the tone for adulthood. Putting pressure on attending a big-name university, or making honors lists, may feel necessary at present. Practice mindfulness to reset personal expectations — knowing whatever path unfolds will offer both growth and challenges to your loved one. If you feel your expectations must be communicated, family tensions may ease when you engage in conversations about your child’s expectations and goals, too. In doing so, make sure to allow room for all expectations to exist without rushed judgment. 

Chicago Center for Behavioral Health offers a teen parenting group designed to help parents support and discipline in a healthy balance. For more information, click here.